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Here’s where we’ll be a lot this summer. Not the ocean, but good enough!

This post was originally published in 2019.

Summertime seems to be when Mom Guilt* gets the loudest. At least, it does for me.

When I was a teacher, I’d start daydreaming in February about what summer was going to look like. We’d go to the pool, take swimming lessons, play at the park, do the summer reading challenge, go to the zoo, go on vacation… I’d be present and make up for all the time we didn’t have together during the school year. Then summer came, and after a couple of weeks, my patience and presence were pretty much used up, and I’d feel bad for wishing the school days back. Did I learn? Nope. The next summer, I’d set myself up to try to do too much and, therefore, feel guilty all over again.

Then, I became a homeschooler, and I envisioned a summer full of free time. My husband would be home, and all the projects we wanted and needed to do would get done. I’d have long breaks in the day to write and catch up with friends; we’d see family, travel, and keep homeschooling. Once again, the things I imagined could fill up three summers. In truth, summer came and went in a blink, and my long list of things to do often remained. There was never enough time.

When my children got older, and my son went to school, summer was the only time we were off together. I dreamt about traveling. Heading back to the beach we love, going to Disney for the first time, going overseas, and seeing faraway family and friends. Then life happened. In 2018, emergency renovations dried up all our savings and canceled our travel plans. In 2020, 2021, 2022, no one was traveling. In 2023, we needed to reopen our Airbnb, and this year (2024), we’re moving our new high school graduate to a trade school a state away. There’s always something, right!?

Summer is a mixed bag. Summer is sunshine, swimming, vacations, no homework or lunches to pack. Summer is kids saying, “I’m bored,” fights about technology, fights with siblings, expensive vacations, daycares, and camps.

Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m not careful, I can put a lot of pressure on summer. I can fill May, June, July, and August with a lot of shoulds.

Here’s the thing. Just like the holidays, everything we think or hope summer SHOULD be probably isn’t going to be.

We can’t do it all.

When I admit this, what happens- Mom Guilt. When I try to do it all and can’t, what happens- Mom Guilt.

I don’t have a checklist or plan to offer you.

What I can offer is what I’m learning; some feelings have to sit in the room with us. But, and this is a big BUT, we don’t have to let them lead.

I didn’t have days on end with my children when I worked full time, but they had awesome places to play with people who loved them, and I could choose to make the hour or two we had just for us. No phones. No distractions. I didn’t every day, but on the days I did, it mattered.

I don’t have the money to send my children to camps this year or go on vacation, but we can pack a picnic and spend the day at the lake, camp in our backyard, make fires and roast marshmallows, have movie marathons, and buy a sprinkler at Target.

It’s also okay if they are bored.

Mom Guilt is a trickster. It points to what our families and kids don’t have. It doesn’t lie. Our kids don’t get it all, but it doesn’t tell the entire story.

The fact that our kids have to go to daycare or will say they are bored fifty times a day, that we won’t be going on vacation, or won’t have the summer we or they are dreaming of doesn’t mean we fail or can’t provide or should feel in any way less than.

Summer doesn’t ask to be perfect. It’s up to us to keep it in perspective.

When people ask what our family is doing this summer, and Mom Guilt tries to take the steering wheel, maybe instead of letting it lead us into the things we wish we were doing, we name one thing our family will be doing (sitting in the sunshine drinking lemonade counts) because it’s almost summer and whatever that looks is enough.

I use “Mom Guilt” instead of Dad or Parent Guilt because

1. I’m a mom and have guilt.
2. It’s moms I hear most speaking about their guilt.

Please feel free to replace Mom with Dad, Parent, Grandparent, or Caregiver if you resonate